Dance Mom Problems!

We signed Olivia up for dance this year. She has been going to classes since September with her BFF, Alivia, for tap, jazz and ballet. I learned recently that three dances may have been a bit ambitious.

The dance recital is coming up, so I thought, this is a good time to have her practice her dance. The teacher burned (or is it burnt?) us a CD of the songs they are dancing to and told us to have them practice at home. She was  reviewing it in class and telling me that she knew the dance, so we didn't practice much, but since there was no class held on the week of Memorial Day, I thought it was a good time to brush up on some dance skills. Turns out, they should have been practicing a long time ago!  It may be too late to save this recital.

I got the girls together and we played the CD and...they just stood there.

(Yup, that looks a lot like the face I saw)

"Uhhh, were we supposed to dance?"
YES, please!
So we try again. This time they dance and the first few steps don't look bad, but all of a sudden they are doing two completely different things and then BAM- nothing! They just stop.
Uhhh, we forget!

I thought you knew the dance? You both told me that you were so good at it and were ready for the recital. What happened?
"We don't know. We just can't remember." 

What about the part where you were doing two different things? Are you supposed to do two different things?
"What part?" 
ALL OF IT!
"No, we don't think so!" 
Do you know who was doing it right?
I got a simultaneous- "she probably was!" (So they aren't even confident in the part where they were actually dancing)
What have you been doing in class?
Learning the dances!  (Obviously not!)

Luckily, I recorded one of their dances classes, on my phone so I was able to teach it to them. Step by freakin' step, while watching a tiny little video on my IPhone. Did I mention that in the video, none of the kids in the class are doing the exact same thing, so I wasn't sure that I was even teaching them the right thing? One of those kids have to be right... I went with the little one in the front who seemed to be paying more attention than the others.

While we are learning the ballet dance (which took forever because they forgot each step almost immediately), they continuously assured me that they were so much better at the tap and jazz dances. They liked those songs so much better so they were better at those dances.

So after they have a mild idea what they are supposed to do and I encouraged them to "when in doubt copy someone else but don't just stand there", we move on to Jazz (still have tap ahead of us) and boy, oh boy, they were right about one thing, they do like this song better because they know all the words....too bad they don't know any of the steps!

I was pretty close to going full Abby Lee Miller Dance Mom on them, but at this point, with tap still untouched, I didn't have the time. I did get pretty close though.
What are you guys going to do if you don't know the dance on stage? Are you really just going to stand there like you just did now and make that 'I have no idea what I am doing? Where am I?' face?
"No?"
Is that a question?
"No. No, we won't."
Then what are you going to do?
"We don't know. Just remember it?" (Again, a question??)
Well, I didn't know 'just remembering it' was an option. Why didn't you say that before we started? Why don't you "just remember it" right now?
"Ummm, cause we can't remember."
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Let's move on to tap. They loved this song. Again, they knew all the words but the dancing was worse than jazz. I had been wondering why the teacher hadn't just put them in the back of the group and hope they copied the others, until I took a closer look at the video I had taken of class and then I saw, well, you can't put them all in the back row, can you?

This recital could very well end up a disaster of little girls, running into each other on stage, but as long as no one gets hurt or just stands there and stares at the audience, I am going to consider it a success at this point.

We also have to change their hair in between dances, as if, getting a 7 year old to sit still and look straight ahead while you pull out all of the bobby pins and brush through the hairspray that was required to get their hair to stay in a low ponytail with a side part, isn't hard enough, we have to refashion that mess into a nice, high bun with no fly-aways and a tiara. She doesn't have enough hair for a high bun! (We will be using a Hot Bun! Yup- As Seen on TV- "You'll have the best buns in town!") And have you ever tried to put eyeliner on another person? How about a 7 year old?

Tonight is our dress rehearsal. I hope the Miss Emily is prepared to "unteach" them all of the dance moves I taught them during our home lesson. (Hey! She was the one who told me to practice with them!)

Wish us luck!

Woohoo! I Got An Award!

My friend at Mommy Needs a Martini (if you haven't read her blog, go there now!) has nominated me for a Liebester Award! My first thought (before I even knew what it was) was "Woohoo! I got an Award!" because really, who doesn't like getting awards! You don't question it, you just go with it!

After my excitement settled, I did ask myself, "Self, do you even know what this award of for?" And my answer was, "Nope, but I got an AWARD!" If it wasn't good, they wouldn't call it an award, right? But at some point I thought I should find out a little more about this honor bestowed upon me by my awesome friend because after all, with great honor comes great responsibility. (Now that I think of it, I am pretty sure it is power. "With great power comes great responsibility" but whatever).

Back to the award. The Liebster is given to recognize up and coming blogs and to shine some light on them so that others came enjoy them as much as the person who nominated the blog. The Blogger receiving the award must answer 11 questions posed to him/her by the one who nominated them. Then after leaving an additional 11 random facts about his or herself, the Blogger poses 11 questions to be answered by those the Blogger passes the Leibster Award on to and the train continues.

There was a lot of "blogger" and "him or her" in that. Essentially, I answer 11 questions posed to me by Mommy Needs a Martini (because she nominated me). Then I give 11 more facts about myself. Finally, I nominate other bloggers and I leave 11 questions for them to answer and they continue the cycle.

Here it goes:

11 Questions asked to me:
1. What was the first blog/Facebook page you followed?
Oh no! I don't remember. But I can tell you that Jeanette, of Mommy Needs a Martini has taught me everything I know about blogging, so far. I am still trying to catch up. 

2. What is your ALL TIME favorite sports team?
Easy- THE NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS! I am obsessed. If you keep reading my blog I am sure that you will find out somehow. I can't hide it!

3. What is your favorite season?
Anything but winter. I love sitting by the pool, but I also love football season and I can't pass up a good spring day, but once the snow has fallen and people start trekking all over it, winter is just a cold mess. 

4. What is a board or pinner on Pinterest I just HAVE to follow? Or Twitter if you don’t pin?
Me! Actually, I get a lot of little kids birthday ideas from Catch My Party

5. What is your biggest fear?
It used to be suffocating, I can't imagine anything worse, but now it is probably failing my daughter. 

6. Who do you aspire to be like?
Well, not be like because you should be yourself.. but you know what I mean.. so who? This is tough- Maybe, Ellen. She is content with who she is, no matter what others say. She is rich (who doesn't want to be rich?) but she always seems to be giving back and helping others and she always seems so freakin' happy. Who else do you know who really "just wants to dance." It would be great to reach that point in life.

7. What band/singer do you wish you could rock out with?
Right now my daughter and I are obsessed with Bruno Mars. I don't know if that is who I would pick next month but right now he would do. 

8. What is your biggest pet peeve? It is a toss up between fake people and selfish people. I doubt that needs any explanation. 

9. What is your guilty pleasure?
New Jersey Housewives. How can you not watch? It is so irritating and hilariously ridiculous.

10. If you could be on a reality show, which one would you pick?
The Bachelorette. I don't want to pick from 25 guys or deal with their man-drama but I do want to travel all of the awesome places she gets to go on ABC's dime or What Not To Wear- who doesn't want a whole new, free wardrobe?

11. If you could live anywhere in the world without having to worry about family obligations/income/work (blah, blah, blah – remove logistics) where would you live?
Fiji! Tropical and far from real life.

Okay, so now 11 Random Facts about ME! This was touch when I was writing my blog post About Me, so let's see what I come up with. 

1. I hate bologna. I mean really hate it. I don't like the smell or the taste or the texture. I am getting queasy just writing this. I can't have it in my fridge or my house or even walk passed it in the grocery store. 

2. I love brand new socks. They never fit the same way they do the first time you put them on. So nice and snug and warm. (how is that for random?)

3. I say SUPER a lot! As in that is SUPER annoying or she is SUPER nice. I don't mean to say it. It just happens and I can't stop. 

4. I speak 2 languages fluently. Spanish and English. I learnt them both at the same time, but I don't look like I speak Spanish so I love answer unsuspecting people's comments when I am out and hear people being bitch in Spanish. SURPRISE!

5. I am a Coca-Cola girl. When I ask for Diet Coke at a restaurant and they ask "Is Diet Pepsi ok?" I always say "no" and sometimes I want to ask them if they really think one is a substitute for the other. 

6. I am a Penn State Nittany Lion through and through and no amount of scandal will ever change that! (This does not mean I support any sort of molestation or child predators because I do NOT! ). 

7.  Since I have become a mother I have started to care a lot less what other people think and do, unless it somehow could affect my child. 

8.  I always try to fight the trendy things but most of the time I somehow get sucked into it anyway. I fought the Apple craze like it was my job but now I have a Mac, an Iphone and an Ipod. We even have AppleTv. Did the same thing with Pinterest. I refused to use it and didn't even know why but now I an an addict. This happens with clothing styles, too. 

9.  For a little while, when I was younger I was bullied on the school bus. There was an older, bigger girl who used to say mean things and throw gum in my hair. I hated having to get on the bus and it made me feel so sad. Now, when I hear about or see children getting bullied now that same exact feeling comes back. 

10. Sometimes I don't know if I believe in God, at least not the God that they push in church (or some churches) or maybe I believe in God but not church. I do believe there is something, somewhere greater than myself (which is what I think is important) but there are just so many things that just seem to happen without purpose and I know that is part of believing (to believe that it has a purpose), but things like the abuse and death of innocent babies (what could be the purpose? what have they done?). A church-goer will always have an answer for me but it just seems to be too much of a stretch some times.  Somethings, I just can't rationalize. How is that for deep? 

11 (I made it!). I wish I would have found a hobby or sport that I loved when I was younger and stuck to it. I am pretty good or decent at a few things but I don't think that I am great at anything. 

Well, there are 11 things about me. Some serious and some not so serious but all of them random. so the next step is for me to come up with 11 questions for other bloggers to answer and  the really hard part...to find bloggers who have not already received this award and done this answering.

Blogs I am Nominating (Drum roll, please!):

Blah Blah Blog: Jenni, working Mother of 3 getting back to her blogging and she may be a little crazy, like the rest of us, because she claims she loves to clean. :)
Don't Cry Over Spilt Milk: She's has just started a new blog so go visit and support her!

11 Questions I pose to you:

1. What is something you have done that you are ashamed of? 

2. What would you eat of you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life?

3. What is a fashion trend that you can't stand?

4. What is the best part of your day?

5. What is one thing that you would change about yourself?

6. What is one thing that you have done that you are most proud of?

7. Do you believe in ghosts?

8. What is your dream job?

9. What is the last dream you had, that you can remember?

10. Who would you want to play you in a movie?

11. What song best describes your life right now?

What They Don't Tell New/Expectant Moms

When you are an expectant mother, you get a lot of advice; actually they are more like warnings, from other people.  Mostly, people tell you that your life is about to change (really?!?! I had no idea!). Sometimes, they elaborate with things like, “say good-bye to those last minute vacations and late nights out” and “get your sleep now because you won’t be sleeping when that baby is waking up several times a night.” They tell you to how you will have less money to spend on yourself and the little luxuries that you are used to having. Basically, they tell you that you better enjoy life now because it is about to be over.

I don’t know why it occurs to anyone to say these things to someone who is about to have a baby.  “Enjoy that now, because you won’t be able to once the baby comes!” is my favorite. Really is that what you are thinking when you see a woman having a little fun while carrying a child? It just seems so mean and cynical. Most people don’t mean any harm, but it just seems odd (not the oddest part of pregnancy, by far, though- “hello, stranger touching my belly!”). When you are a first time mom, you are probably already a little scared and nervous, without Debbie Downer’s help.

So, are they right? The bad news is, yes. Not only is most of what they are saying true but also, they have also grossly understated those changes. The good news is that, there is so much more that people aren’t telling you and one of the most important is, that once you have a baby, most of those things don’t matter anymore.

They are right, there probably won’t be anymore last minute vacations. In fact, just leaving the house for a few hours requires diapers, snacks, bottles, wipes, extra clothes, changing pad, toys, a car seat, a stroller and quite a few other things. There are times when I don’t go somewhere simply because I don’t want to lug the car seat and diaper bag and stroller and that’s just leaving the house for a few hours. So going on vacation will require lots of planning. You will have to carry twice as much baggage, if not more. Ohhh and remember those times when you were trying to relax on an airplane and there was that mother, with a panicked look on her face, trying to quiet an infant before the other passengers complained? Congratulations! That is you now! (Bet you wish you had given her a few less loud sighs, don’t you?) It is going to be a pain in the butt to go anywhere. The destination of your trip will also be subject to change. There are not a lot of baby-friendly activities in South Beach (and they have very sensitive skin). So unless you are going to carry your baby in a pouch like Carlos, and attempt a Hangover reenactment, those last minute trips to Vegas are probably out the window. Here is what they don’t tell you.  The trips aren’t over. They may not be as spontaneous or to the same places, but you will pack your bags, as many as you may need, and you will go on vacation, again. Then you will ask yourself, why they didn’t tell you that the lights of Sin City can’t hold a candle to look on your little one’s face when they see the Magic Kingdom for the first time or the giggle they let out when they experience the cold ocean water running through their little toes on the sand. Those will be the vacations you love the most.

They are right; your late nights out will be numbered. You have a little one depending on you and you can’t exactly leave him/her home alone. So you have to find a babysitter, which isn’t as easy as it sounds. Your heart wasn’t easy to protect when it was inside of you and now it is living and breathing in a tiny human being that requires you for everything. Who are you going to trust with that?  Even if you find a trusted baby whisperer, you are probably going to be a lot more tired than you used to be and you will probably be getting up early the next day, so staying up late won’t be as easy any more. So yes, until they start opening bars with childcare (Note to self: not a bad idea!), your late nights out will be limited. Here is what they don’t tell you. Leaving your baby for the first time and even the second and the third will be one of the hardest things you will do. When you do finally go out, you will miss them, talk about them and wonder what they are doing (I have been told this gets easier and going out becomes a nice break. I will let you know about that when the time comes). So, you may not go out as much, but you will go out and you will get time to be yourself again. What they don’t tell you is that most nights you won’t miss it because the best nights of your life will be those you spend rocking your little one to sleep and they fly by so fast that you won’t want to miss one. The look of those little eyes staring up at you will erase any thought you may have had about wanting to go out and party.

They are right; you probably won’t have as much money to spend on your usual “luxuries.” You likely have the same income, if not less, because someone is home with the baby or you are paying for day care, yet you have a new expense. Remember all those things I told you that you had to pile into a diaper bag? You need those. Plus, on average a newborn baby uses 10-14 diapers, a day. So yes, getting your nails done every week may become a tight squeeze and babies grow fast, so yours is going to need more clothes before you can splurge on expensive shoes. So, things you used to treat yourself to may not happen as often. What they don’t tell you is that your definition of luxuries will change when your priorities change and your priorities will change. As a mother, you will never again think of yourself without thinking of your baby first. With that comes a lot of change, but one of those is that buying yourself a new pair of shoes won’t be nearly as rewarding as buying a tiny pair of sneakers for itty bitty feet that can’t even walk yet. The day one of your manicured nails accidentally scratches that soft baby skin you won’t hesitate to clip them down yourself. Trust me, when you buy your first pair of ruffle bottom baby pants, you will look forward to spending time in the baby section more than you ever did shopping for hand bags and your diaper bag holds twice as much stuff as an expensive purse, anyway.  Plus, no one will be looking at you. Your baby is the cute one now. ;)

They are right; you won’t get much sleep with your new baby waking up during the night. This is my favorite because it implies that you will be going back to your old sleeping habits once your baby sleeps through the night. Yes, there will be a time when your baby doesn’t sleep through the night and you will be up making bottles and rocking them back to sleep (you won’t mind nearly as much as you think). The truth is that you probably won’t get many good nights of sleep for a long time after that. After weeks (or maybe months) of 3 a.m. feedings, you will be begging for the day that they sleep through the night, but what they don’t tell you is that the night that 3:01 a.m. rolls around and you don’t hear a cry, you are not going to lie in bed and relax. You will be thinking, “Why isn’t the baby crying?” You will be rushing to the nursery to make sure nothing is wrong. The baby is probably just sleeping, but you will need to see first hand that he or she is okay. After repeating this, most nights, for a little while, you’ll get used to them sleeping through the night, but by then there will be a new reason to stay up and worry.

Worry. I think that is the number one thing that they forget to tell you about having a baby.  You will never again watch a news story without wondering if that could happen to your baby. Every bomb scare, school shooting, child kidnapping or any national crises will have you rethinking ever letting your baby leave your arms again. You will worry about what the world will be like when it is time for them to go out on their own and you will worry about whether they will be ready.  I can’t really think of an upside to this one, except that in some cases worrying will make you prepared and in all cases it shows that you are a good mother, who loves her child. Your child will fall but that is how they learn to get back up. So whenever possible just remind yourself that you can’t always be the perfect mother, but it doesn’t mean that you aren’t a great one.

So the things people warn expectant mothers about are pretty much true, but there is so much that they don’t say.  Maybe it is because, it impossible to wrap motherhood and its changes into one concise "warning," but there are a lot of things that I think they should tell you.

They should tell you that things that were gross before will suddenly not quite as taboo. When your baby has a runny nose, you won’t hesitate to use your sleeve to clean it (however, it is still completely disgusting to wipe you own nose with your sleeve). Also, there is poop. Your life will suddenly involve a lot of it. You will be able to talk about your baby’s poop with other people and it will seem perfectly normal. In fact, as soon as your baby is born they will start asking you about dirtied diapers and you will have to describe a poop to a pediatrician, at least once (By the way, you will probably wonder, but it is okay to call it “poop” when you are talking to a doctor- they don’t care). If you want to take a glimpse at how much "less gross" things are to moms, there is actually a a product called the "snot sucker." NoseFrida has a hose that you put up the baby's boogie nose and suck on the other end to get the snot out. (Even as a mommy, I think that is gross!)

Also, babies know expensive sunglasses when they see them. I don’t know how or why they feel the need to destroy them but they do and will. You probably only have a few months to enjoy those Chanel glasses before your baby has the motor skills to pull them off of your face.  

You will get peed on, whether you have a baby boy or girl and they will poop in the tub, at least once (told you poop was easier to talk about).

Babies love things that are not toys way more than any toy that you can find. (See expensive sunglasses). You will spend money on educational toys and soft, safe baby things but they will love spoons and paper and anything they generally are not supposed to play with.

If you ever want to watch television again, keep the television remote control out of baby’s reach. Trust me, we have considered just throwing out the TV and starting over rather than trying to decipher which buttons she pushed to make do the things it was doing.

Oh and mommy, things like jumping on a trampoline will become a lot more difficult to do without peeing you pants. This may also apply to things like coughing and sneezing, at first. One time the Giants scored a touchdown and my celebration dance ended with me changing. (Well, look at that! Apparently, peeing yourself also becomes easier to talk about).

You also get mommy super powers. You will have supersonic hearing that allows you to hear your baby cry from a mile away and if that cry happens to be because your little one is hurt, you will suddenly be able to leap tall buildings in a single bound (just like Super Man). Not to mention how many things you will suddenly learn to do one-handed (I have folded laundry with one hand and held baby in the other). 

There are a lot of changes, sacrifices and worrying that comes a long with being a parent, but I don’t know why those are the things people tell new (or soon to be) parents. My baby girl is only a year old and she has kept me up many nights. I have given baths, changed sheets, and washed clothes at 2 a.m. because of a “diaper malfunction.” I have gathered more food off the floor than she has ever eaten. She has broken several pair of sunglasses and I have been peed on more then I want to admit. I have spent countless hours trying to figure out why exactly she was crying and I worry every day…

But I love every single second of being her mommy and I wouldn’t trade it for the world!

So, if they have to wrap it up into one concise statement, the number one thing that people should tell you is, that having a baby is the best thing that you will ever do. 

To My Baby Girl On Her First Birthday

Emmeyln Grace, 

My sweet baby girl, today you are one year old. My whole life changed, one year ago today. You became the most important thing in my life and I haven't made a single decision since, without thinking of you first. I never knew that I could love another person so much. Now here you are, my smiling, laughing little girl, with 4 new teeth, that loves to throw things.

It feels like just yesterday I was begging Daddy to turn the car around, on our way to the hospital because I wasn't ready. I knew that in my belly you were safe and sound and I wanted to keep you that way. From the second you were born and Daddy handed you to me, I've never wanted to put you down. You looked up at me with wide eyes and at that moment my heart was so full that it could burst! I felt that same way this morning when I opened your bedroom door to wake you up on your first birthday. You usually wake me up, puling yourself up in your crib, calling out gibberish over the monitor until I came in to get you and then laughing and playing like every morning is the best day of your life. But this morning, you were still groggy and rubbing your eyes, as I sang Happy Birthday to you. You looked at me, as if saying "Mommy, I was still sleeping!" completely unaware that today was such a special day. 

But mommy knows, how special today is, because I remember when you were just a tiny 7 pounds, 3.2 ounces and you slept next to me in your little bassinet. I remember when I laid you down in your crib and you slept in your own room for the first time, all by yourself. 

I wish I could tell you how much I love you but there just aren't words. I think it is something that you can't understand until you have your own little girl, but that won't stop me from trying to show you every single day, forever. It is a love beyond words and beyond limits. There is nothing that you could ever do to change that.

So much has changed since I brought you home, just a tiny little baby who needed her mommy for everything. You don' t need me to hold your bottle anymore and it is impossible to get you to stay still for more than a minute. You already don't need me as much as you used to.

You have the goofiest laugh and the most adorable giggle and you have a time and place for each. You are not walking yet but you are the fastest crawler I have ever seen and you are even faster in your walker. You speed around the kitchen, opening the cabinets and taking everything out. Just this week, you started standing up on your own for just a few seconds. I am sure that you will be walking in no time, which makes me sad and happy at the same time. I am so proud of you but I worry that you won't want me to hold you as much and I love to hold you. I was never a sentimental crier but now my eyes tear up every time you reach a new milestone.

You are so smart. You watch me, Daddy and Sissy very closely and you copy a  lot of the things you see us do. You change the channels on the television and even had grandpa trying to figure out what you did to the TV for over an hour, once. You learned to turn the lights on and off and how to brush your hair, just by watching others. Which is weird because you have been pretty much bald since the day you were born, Sissy used to tell people "Feel my baby sisters head it feels just like a peach". You are starting to show some hair now, though.

You have developed your own little personality already. You are a very sweet baby and everywhere we go people tell us how they can't believe how well-behaved you are but you also know when you really want something and ball up your little fist with anger if you don't get it.

Sometimes you ramble on and on but have no volume control. Everything is done loudly. "Dada" was your first word and now you say, "Nana," "dog," and your very favorite, "shit!" all of the time. You do say "momma" but save it for special occasions (even though I am your favorite). Oh and whenever a telephone rings you instantly say "Hi!" In fact, you usually say "Hi!" to anyone who passes by, unless you are pretending to be shy. 

You are a brave little girl. You aren't afraid to slide down the slide, swing high on the swing or try to dive head first off the edge of the bed. We signed you up for swimming lessons and while the other babies cried and got used to the water, you splashed around and kicked like a little pro. You love the water, pool time, bath time, anytime.

You love when Daddy hangs you up-side-down and you love to dance with mommy. Actually, you just love to dance. Whenever you hear music, whether it is the radio, a commercial jingle, someone singing or even your toy playing sounds, you stop whatever it is that you are doing and start wiggling and bouncing in your own little dance style. You crack up when Sissy and Nana make crazy faces and sounds at you and then you try to copy them. Daddy and I play our own version "Simon says" with you and you copy every motion that we make. It is one of my favorites!

Everything you do lights up my life (and Daddy's too)! You are growing up so fast and I would love if you could slow it down a little.  Sometimes I sing to you a song that Tim Magraw wrote for his little girl where he says:

"You're beautiful baby from the outside in.

Chase your dreams but always know the road that'll lead you home again.
Go on, take on this whole world.
But to me you know you'll always be, my little girl."

You are a beautiful little girl and such a good baby. You have your daddy's blue eyes and everywhere we go people stop us to say how beautiful you are. Every day you surprise me.  Each day you allow me to see the good in the world. You have made me a better person. You are truly amazing and I often wonder who you will grow up to be. I hope you do take on the whole world, dream big and live out every one of those dreams and I hope that you stay healthy and strong, but most of all, I hope that no matter what choices you make or what path you take you will always come home because, to me, you will always be my little girl.

You make me so proud and so happy. You bring a joy to life that no one else could possibly come close to.  I love you through and through. You are beautiful. You are funny. You are strong and smart and sweet and the most precious little girl that I have ever known. 

I can't thank you enough for choosing me as your mommy. I am so lucky that you are my little girl!

As I tell you every night before I lay you down to sleep, Mommy loves you, Emmelyn Grace so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so much! To the moon and back and to the moon and back and to the moon and back and to the moon and back and to the moon and back....

Happy First Birthday, sweet girl! 

Love,

Mommy 

Oh, Google!

Ohhhhh Google! Just as I finish giving you a glowing endorsement and telling everyone how I Google everything. How Google is my one and only source for searching through the infinite amount of information provided by the internet.

My email is Google based. My blog is Google based. So you could imagine my displeasure when I can’t reach you! It was like calling my best friend with the best news ever and getting a busy signal (it is 2013 who doesn’t have call waiting? And why am I calling her on a landline?). How does Google, the basis for all internet knowledge, not respond?

I couldn’t believe it. So I restarted my computer and tried again (maybe it was my connection, I thought). Nope, nothing. So I tried another site and it opened immediately.

It was you, Google! No blog, no email, no information. How could you???

A Little About Me

I feel like I should have written something about myself in my first blog post, as if rambling on about blog names didn’t tell you enough. I was obviously quite affected by the naming process, so I am going to backtrack and tell you about myself now.

I hate when I have to describe myself. Where do you start? How much do you tell? Talking bout yourself isn’t easy.

I feel like I am on an interview when the interviewer asks “tell me about yourself.”

Again, there are articles out there on how to write a blog post about yourself (Someone else telling you how to write about you? Weird!). There are almost as many as there are about, how to answer the dreaded interviewer question “tell me about yourself.” (I have to stop googling everything I do)

First, “tell me about yourself” isn’t a question! What do they want to know exactly? Do they really care if I was born in late March interrupting an important NCAA tournament game or that it is impossible for me to not eat the entire carton of Ben and Jerry’s Cinnabon ice cream? How about that I love my football team so much that I wore a jersey over my wedding dress for my bridal entrance? (All true!) No, they probably don’t care about that stuff. If I build myself up too much, I look snobby. If I don’t say enough, I look nervous or unqualified. So really, they just want to put me on the spot so that they can judge me. (Wow- that was a tangent and a half! Can you tell my frustration with interviewers?)

Those articles basically tell you to lie or “inflate the truth” (which is still lying!) to impress people. I don’t think so! People are going to judge no matter what and I would rather you judge me for me than for someone I made up.  The one good piece of advice that I did get from those articles? Don’t say anything that will turn the internet creepers on. (Although that could be just about anything these days).

So, now that I am done with the stray topics (I think), let’s see, I am a licensed attorney, in a few states, but I don’t think that I belong in one of your typical lawyer jokes and it definitely isn’t what defines me.

Before anything else, I am a mommy. I have a baby girl, Emmelyn (“Emme”), who is almost a year old and a step-daughter, Olivia, who is almost eight. They keep me on my toes. Olivia is a grown up in a little girls body. She makes me laugh all of the time and is very nosey- she needs to know everything and is always listening. When I married my husband, Olivia was six and we got together when she had just turned four, so Emmelyn is my first baby. I love her so much I could squeeze her (I don’t know why that is an expression because sometimes I do squeeze her and she does not like it). She wakes up happy (I have no idea who she got that from) and is super smart (I know all parents think that about their kids, but mine really is!)Every day she teaches me something new and I am sure that I will be writing about it.

I like to be creative (probably asking yourself how I became a lawyer…me too!). I like to make things or write things. As you can see, my creativity is very specific. Lol (can you write “lol” in a blog? It feels awkward.)

I stalk my children with a camera. I am what we call a “Momma-razzi.” I capture everything that they do. At less than a year old, when you call Emmelyn’s name, she turns and smiles because she thinks you are calling her for a picture. When she sees a camera she stops and poses. Yes, it is very a serious photo-addiction. It isn’t just me, though. My husband gets in on it, too. (I would say 40% because he likes it and 60% because I insist on it).

A little about the hubs, Josh describes himself as “a jack of all trades and a master of none.” However, I have yet to come across a project that he can’t complete (or fix because I tried to do it on my own first). If only he would do these projects one of the first 20 times I ask. All in all, he’s pretty handy to have around. 

I live by the motto, “when in doubt, Google it” (not Bing or Yahoo, just Google). In case you hadn’t noticed yet, since both this and my previous blog refer to things I read on the internet. Actually, even when I am not in doubt I still google so maybe I should change the motto to “just google it.” And why not? Everything you need to know is out there somewhere, isn’t it?

(WARNING: You should not use this motto with WebMD. Unless you already know what you have and just want info, searching your symptoms on WebMD will do nothing but worry you. Their slogan should be “WedMD, where every headache is a brain tumor.”)

So anyway, I googled, again, and here is what Google thinks I need to tell me readers.

Something about myself that will keep readers interested:

Well if my above tangent about interviewers and then again about WedMD or my ability to ramble about the title of my blog for an entire post doesn’t intrigue you then I don’ t know what will. How about a story?

Once I got pulled over for swerving and I told the officer that I was doing the electric slide and I turned up the radio. He laughed, told me he had other things to do and let me go. (I guess he appreciated my honesty). C’mon, that is interesting, isn’t it?

Why should you read my blog?

Because I am the mom and I said so. (I am dreading the day when I actually say that).  I hope to have some interesting stuff to say, and you don’t want to be the only person who didn’t read it when everyone is talking about it, do you? J

What qualifies me to be a blogger?

Ummm….I have a computer and internet access.  Do I need anything else? I can just google anything I need to know!

Something that will make you relate to me: Well, you also have internet, we have that in common… and you have gotten this far into my post. So far, I think we are doing pretty well. Hopefully you will read the next one, too!