Meet Our Newest Princess, Miss Aubrey Violet

There was a ray of sunshine, on a winter morn

the day our baby girl was born.

At 6 a.m. on January twenty eight,

Our little princess arrived, exactly one week late.

Seven ponds, 2.6 ounces to handle with care;

Twenty one inches and a head full of hair.

Soft as a whisper, so precious and sweet;

Tiny perfection from her head to her feet.

Her big sisters loved her the moment they met.

Mommy and Daddy called her Aubrey Violet.

We love her so much! We are so happy and overwhelmed with her cuteness. God has blessed us, again.

Baby Two Blues- Am I the worst mom ever?

Baby #2 is coming and I am not ready. I feel awful that I am not-- guilty really.

10 days until her due date and we have done the small things. Hospital bag is packed, coming home outfit chosen, name picked (we even had it embroidered on her coming home/hospital outfit).

However, other than purchasing a double stroller, no other major changes have been made. The furniture isn’t assembled, the painting hasn’t been done…

But that is not the part I am talking about. I am not ready because I am not ready for my baby to not be “the” baby anymore. Is that terrible?

I have heard of second baby guilt and have seen lots of blogs about how moms feel bad for not being able to do as much for their second child because they have to split their attention (i.e. not taking as many pictures or documenting as much for baby number 2). I am sure that guilt will come, too, but right now, it is all about my first baby.

She is only 19 months old and I feel like she hasn’t been the baby long enough. She is the center of attention and the center of my world but I suddenly remember every time she wanted me to sit on the floor and play but I didn’t or every time I yelled at her for not listening. I second guess everything- could I have spent my mommy and Emme time better? 

As we get closer, I hold her tighter and more often (even though my little girl would already rather run free), but I am running out of time. We are about to rock her little world by bringing a baby sister into it. How is she going to feel? Is she going to know that we still love her just as much as before? Is she going to be sad when I can’t hold her because her sister can’t hold herself? Is she going to know that she will always be my baby, even if she isn’t the only baby? Is she going to understand why we have less attention to give? Did she get enough time to be the littlest one?  Is she ready to be the big sister?

Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t that I don’t want Baby #2 (we aren’t telling her name until she is born) or that I don’t love her because I do. Very much. I am just not ready, today.

My Gender Reveal

In the morning morning my left me a dress a dress that he bought and sent me a text that said to be ready at 630 and I would find out more then. 

So I got dressed (in a dress that he got for me to wear) and my parents and grandmother and baby drove me around until we arrived at The Vintage restaurant. Josh had planned a gender reveal dinner complete with pink and blue wrapped chairs. 

In the corner was a big cardboard box that said "Boy or Girl?" on the front with a question mark balloon holding down the lid. 

 Everyone at the restaurant was looking to see if the baby was a boy or girl, but we decided to make them wait and order dinner first. But after we ordered, I stood next to the box...lifted the lid...and out came...

PINK BALLOONS! It's a girl!  

Looks like a lot of the gender predicting old wives tales were wrong. 

We are happy to have a little sister, close in age, for Emmelyn to grow up with. Can't wait to meet her!!

 

To My Baby Girl On Her First Birthday

Emmeyln Grace, 

My sweet baby girl, today you are one year old. My whole life changed, one year ago today. You became the most important thing in my life and I haven't made a single decision since, without thinking of you first. I never knew that I could love another person so much. Now here you are, my smiling, laughing little girl, with 4 new teeth, that loves to throw things.

It feels like just yesterday I was begging Daddy to turn the car around, on our way to the hospital because I wasn't ready. I knew that in my belly you were safe and sound and I wanted to keep you that way. From the second you were born and Daddy handed you to me, I've never wanted to put you down. You looked up at me with wide eyes and at that moment my heart was so full that it could burst! I felt that same way this morning when I opened your bedroom door to wake you up on your first birthday. You usually wake me up, puling yourself up in your crib, calling out gibberish over the monitor until I came in to get you and then laughing and playing like every morning is the best day of your life. But this morning, you were still groggy and rubbing your eyes, as I sang Happy Birthday to you. You looked at me, as if saying "Mommy, I was still sleeping!" completely unaware that today was such a special day. 

But mommy knows, how special today is, because I remember when you were just a tiny 7 pounds, 3.2 ounces and you slept next to me in your little bassinet. I remember when I laid you down in your crib and you slept in your own room for the first time, all by yourself. 

I wish I could tell you how much I love you but there just aren't words. I think it is something that you can't understand until you have your own little girl, but that won't stop me from trying to show you every single day, forever. It is a love beyond words and beyond limits. There is nothing that you could ever do to change that.

So much has changed since I brought you home, just a tiny little baby who needed her mommy for everything. You don' t need me to hold your bottle anymore and it is impossible to get you to stay still for more than a minute. You already don't need me as much as you used to.

You have the goofiest laugh and the most adorable giggle and you have a time and place for each. You are not walking yet but you are the fastest crawler I have ever seen and you are even faster in your walker. You speed around the kitchen, opening the cabinets and taking everything out. Just this week, you started standing up on your own for just a few seconds. I am sure that you will be walking in no time, which makes me sad and happy at the same time. I am so proud of you but I worry that you won't want me to hold you as much and I love to hold you. I was never a sentimental crier but now my eyes tear up every time you reach a new milestone.

You are so smart. You watch me, Daddy and Sissy very closely and you copy a  lot of the things you see us do. You change the channels on the television and even had grandpa trying to figure out what you did to the TV for over an hour, once. You learned to turn the lights on and off and how to brush your hair, just by watching others. Which is weird because you have been pretty much bald since the day you were born, Sissy used to tell people "Feel my baby sisters head it feels just like a peach". You are starting to show some hair now, though.

You have developed your own little personality already. You are a very sweet baby and everywhere we go people tell us how they can't believe how well-behaved you are but you also know when you really want something and ball up your little fist with anger if you don't get it.

Sometimes you ramble on and on but have no volume control. Everything is done loudly. "Dada" was your first word and now you say, "Nana," "dog," and your very favorite, "shit!" all of the time. You do say "momma" but save it for special occasions (even though I am your favorite). Oh and whenever a telephone rings you instantly say "Hi!" In fact, you usually say "Hi!" to anyone who passes by, unless you are pretending to be shy. 

You are a brave little girl. You aren't afraid to slide down the slide, swing high on the swing or try to dive head first off the edge of the bed. We signed you up for swimming lessons and while the other babies cried and got used to the water, you splashed around and kicked like a little pro. You love the water, pool time, bath time, anytime.

You love when Daddy hangs you up-side-down and you love to dance with mommy. Actually, you just love to dance. Whenever you hear music, whether it is the radio, a commercial jingle, someone singing or even your toy playing sounds, you stop whatever it is that you are doing and start wiggling and bouncing in your own little dance style. You crack up when Sissy and Nana make crazy faces and sounds at you and then you try to copy them. Daddy and I play our own version "Simon says" with you and you copy every motion that we make. It is one of my favorites!

Everything you do lights up my life (and Daddy's too)! You are growing up so fast and I would love if you could slow it down a little.  Sometimes I sing to you a song that Tim Magraw wrote for his little girl where he says:

"You're beautiful baby from the outside in.

Chase your dreams but always know the road that'll lead you home again.
Go on, take on this whole world.
But to me you know you'll always be, my little girl."

You are a beautiful little girl and such a good baby. You have your daddy's blue eyes and everywhere we go people stop us to say how beautiful you are. Every day you surprise me.  Each day you allow me to see the good in the world. You have made me a better person. You are truly amazing and I often wonder who you will grow up to be. I hope you do take on the whole world, dream big and live out every one of those dreams and I hope that you stay healthy and strong, but most of all, I hope that no matter what choices you make or what path you take you will always come home because, to me, you will always be my little girl.

You make me so proud and so happy. You bring a joy to life that no one else could possibly come close to.  I love you through and through. You are beautiful. You are funny. You are strong and smart and sweet and the most precious little girl that I have ever known. 

I can't thank you enough for choosing me as your mommy. I am so lucky that you are my little girl!

As I tell you every night before I lay you down to sleep, Mommy loves you, Emmelyn Grace so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so much! To the moon and back and to the moon and back and to the moon and back and to the moon and back and to the moon and back....

Happy First Birthday, sweet girl! 

Love,

Mommy