Pin Under Review: Irish Car Bomb Cupcakes

I am starting with this one because it was requested and sometimes mommy needs a cupcake that she doesn’t have to share with the kiddos.

 These cupcakes promise to be easy to make, delicious and taste like an Irish Car Bomb.

 For those who live under a rock an Irish Car Bomb is a beer cocktail made with Guinness Irish stout, Bailey’s Irish Cream, and Jameson Irish whiskey. To make the drink, whiskey is poured on top of the Bailey’s in a shot glass, and the shot glass dropped into the glass of Guinness. Once the shot glass hits the bottom, you have to “drink quickly” or the cream will curdle. I can’t vouch for what goes on once it is inside your stomach, but I have always found it smart to limit the number of Irish Car Bombs to just one, however the cupcakes are delicious and there is no curdling involved.

 I made these for my cousins college graduation party and they were almost gone before dinner was even served. People loved them. I should tell you that they are more expensive to make than the average cupcake. They require several alcoholic products and some pricier than normal chocolate.

 In reviewing the Pins, I found that while some recipes were dry and others were way too dense, most of them did not taste like Irish Car Bombs, so in the end I ended up combining two and still making some alterations to make Chocolate Guinness Cupcakes with Jameson Chocolate Ganache Filling and Bailey’s Irish Butter Cream Icing.

 What you will need:
 

For the Cupcakes:

• 2 cups all-purpose flour

• 1 teaspoon baking powder

• 1 teaspoon baking soda

• ½ teaspoon salt

• ¾ cup unsweetened cocoa powder

• 1½ sticks butter, room temperature

• 1¼ cups white granulated sugar

• 4 large eggs

• 16-20 ounce Guinness stout

• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

For the Jameson Ganache:

• 8 ounces (2 large bars) bittersweet chocolate (at least 70% cocoa)

• 2/3 cup heavy cream

• 2 tablespoons butter, at room temperature

• 1/4 cup Jameson Irish whiskey

For the Bailey's Irish Butter Cream

• 2 cups unsalted butter, at room temperature

• 5 cups powdered sugar

• 3/4 cup Bailey's Irish Cream

Cupcakes:

To make the cupcakes, pre-heat your oven to 350 degrees. In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, salt and cocoa powder. (I will now refer to this mixture as the “powder”). In a separate large bowl and a mixer, mix together the butter and sugar until light and airy. Beat the eggs, one at a time to the mixture and then add the vanilla extract. Make sure it is all mixed well.Start mixing in the powder mixture you made and alternate adding the Guinness. (ex. Add some powder and mix, add some Guinness and mix, add some powder and mix, add some Guinness and mix, etc) until all of the Guinness and powder are mixed in.

WARNING: The powder mixture is very light. If your mixer is set too high when you add the powder it will fill the room and not the bowl.

**My recipe says 16-20 ounces of Guinness. The original called for only 12 ounces. So I started with 12 I couldn’t taste anything other than bitter chocolate. So I continued to add until I could taste a hint of Guinness. I would not add more than 20 ounces because it will change the consistency of the cupcake.
Scrape down the sides and bottoms of the mixing bowl, and fill your cupcake tins (should be lined with cupcake liners) about half way. Then bake in oven for 20-25 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean.

**Let the cupcakes cool before trying to cut into them or ice them, but cut the cupcakes BEFORE you make the ganache filling (you will see why).

Once the cupcakes are cool, you need to cut a hole in the center, but not all the way through to the bottom. I used a really small paring knife and it came right out.


 Ganache:

Now you are ready to make the Jameson Ganache. Make sure that you use bittersweet chocolate that it is at least 70% cocoa or it doesn’t taste the same. The recipe called for the bittersweet chocolate to be grated into the bowl, but I broke them up and placed them in the chopper, which was much easier.

Once the chocolate is chopped, place the chocolate and butter in a bowl. In a sauce pan or microwaveable cup bring the cream to boil. Pour the hot cream over the chocolate and butter. Leave untouched for 2 minutes. Stir until thick and glossy. Add the Jameson. The original recipe called for a few tablespoons of Jameson, but I continued to add and taste until it was a strongly alcoholic chocolate. When you eat the cupcake, this is the part where you actually taste the liquor. This was the best part. People would have eaten the chocolate ganache alone.

**My secret and the reason we cut the cupcakes before we made the ganache is this. The ganache you just made should be really watery (and that is okay, it will thicken up on its own). While it was watery I filled the holes in the cupcakes so that some of the chocolate would be absorbed by the surrounding cupcake and make them moist and flavorful.

Let the rest of the ganache sit and it will start to thicken up. You can speed up this process by placing it in the refrigetaor, but don’t leave it in there too long. Once it is more of a chocolate sauce then a liquid, refill the holes in the cupcakes replacing what was absorbed by the cake. You can use a plastic bag, (scoop in the chocolate and cut off the corner, and squeeze it into the cupcake), but mine was mostly still full from when I poured in the more liquid chocolate, so I just used a spoon. When I was done, I iced the cupcakes with a thin layer of the ganache so that there was some in every bite because again, this is the best part.

Frosting:

To make the frosting, beat the butter and confectioners sugar until light and creamy, about 2-3 minutes and then slowly add in the Bailey’s Irish Cream. Again, it called for a lot less Bailey’s but I found the frosting to taste like really sweet butter, so this recipe increases the Bailey’s added. It called for 6 tablespoons and I actually doubled it to 12 (3/4 cup). You can always use the taste and add approach to this until you find a frosting that you like. 

I don’t have piping bags, so I placed the frosting in a regular Ziplock bag and cut off the corner. Squeeze the icing onto the cupcakes and you are done!

(My cupcakes)

 Pin Review:
These can be made by the average pinner, but they do not taste as promised without some changes to the recipe. The drawbacks are the pricey ingredients (for cupcake standards) and the mess. You need to use quite a few bowls, spoons and appliances. However, the cupcakes were a huge hit and I have already ben asked to make them again.

The lawyer in me feels like I should also state the obvious, just incase. While there is probably not enough in these cupcakes to make you drunk, not all of the alcohol is cooked out of them so they DO  CONTAIN ALCOHOL. This product is not appropriate for children, pregnant women, anyone recovering from addiction, etc.
 

Pinning Is Only Half The Battle

..actually, in most cases it is a lot less than half.

I used to be one of those people who refused to use Pinterest. For whatever reason I decided that there was absolutely no need for it and that I was not going to use it and I fought the trend.  I don’t think I had a real reason for it, I just didn’t want to submit to the craze.

Somewhere, somehow, that changed. I don’t know when it happened or how it happened but I started pinning and I haven’t stopped since. I pin everything- recipes, photography ideas, children’s projects, home projects, art projects, party ideas…you name it. The thing is, as with most people, I am an ambitious pinner with only a slightly creative hand. Most of those things don’t get passed the pinning stage because they get lost in the sheer number of things that I have pinned, but I have actually attempted quite a few projects and recipes.

The problem is, almost everything on Pinterest claims to be “so easy to do” or “the most delicious recipe, ever!” Not all pins are what they claim to be! (Imagine that! Can’t believe everything you read on the internet!) Of course, people aren’t going to pin things and say, “This took me 4 months to make and it still doesn’t work” or “I would rather eat dog food!” but the reality is that not everything is delicious and some things are just not made for the average D-I-Y attempter. 

Sure, building a playhouse out of pallets is “so easy” if you are a carpenter or an architect but it isn’t “so easy, anyone can do it!”  And sure that super healthy dessert with half the calories and all the taste is delicious but it also contained 4 ingredients, each costing over $8.00 that I had to go to three different organic health food stores to find. So, it may cut calories but it is hardly a cost effective, time saving treat. (Oh, and there is no way that your children will really love it more than ice cream!) 

I have even attempted some pins that were just plain lies. It wasn’t a matter of whether it was easy or time consuming. It just didn’t work.  On the other hand, some projects actually turned out to be a lot easier than I had anticipated.

Can you make anything you want glow using glow sticks? Does vinegar really clean everything under the sun? Can you use applesauce as a recipe substitute? I don’t know all the answers but I do know some and I have even modified some recipes and Pinterest projects to be better or at least easier. (Toot, toot!)

So I have decided that, I am going to provide some “Pin Reviews.” Before I buy anything on the internet I always Google the reviews first (mostly because returning things you bought online is a pain in the a**). If someone else already bought it and discovered it is going to break in less than a week, why should I buy it?

Same applies to pinning. If I already lost three days of my life trying to make a bee trap out of honey, a water bottle and a paperclip (Call me Macgyver!) because Pinterest promised I would never be bothered by bees in my yard again, and the bees were unaffected then why should you waste your time, too?

By the way, I never tried that bee trap thing and I don’t know if it involves any of those items. But I did pin something about an “easy” bee trap- I just haven’t gotten around to it yet.

So check back for my Pin Under Review and I will let you know what I think is possible, delicious and worth the effort and what is just…not!

Pins Reviewed:

Irish Car Bomb Cupcakes

Dance Mom Problems!

We signed Olivia up for dance this year. She has been going to classes since September with her BFF, Alivia, for tap, jazz and ballet. I learned recently that three dances may have been a bit ambitious.

The dance recital is coming up, so I thought, this is a good time to have her practice her dance. The teacher burned (or is it burnt?) us a CD of the songs they are dancing to and told us to have them practice at home. She was  reviewing it in class and telling me that she knew the dance, so we didn't practice much, but since there was no class held on the week of Memorial Day, I thought it was a good time to brush up on some dance skills. Turns out, they should have been practicing a long time ago!  It may be too late to save this recital.

I got the girls together and we played the CD and...they just stood there.

(Yup, that looks a lot like the face I saw)

"Uhhh, were we supposed to dance?"
YES, please!
So we try again. This time they dance and the first few steps don't look bad, but all of a sudden they are doing two completely different things and then BAM- nothing! They just stop.
Uhhh, we forget!

I thought you knew the dance? You both told me that you were so good at it and were ready for the recital. What happened?
"We don't know. We just can't remember." 

What about the part where you were doing two different things? Are you supposed to do two different things?
"What part?" 
ALL OF IT!
"No, we don't think so!" 
Do you know who was doing it right?
I got a simultaneous- "she probably was!" (So they aren't even confident in the part where they were actually dancing)
What have you been doing in class?
Learning the dances!  (Obviously not!)

Luckily, I recorded one of their dances classes, on my phone so I was able to teach it to them. Step by freakin' step, while watching a tiny little video on my IPhone. Did I mention that in the video, none of the kids in the class are doing the exact same thing, so I wasn't sure that I was even teaching them the right thing? One of those kids have to be right... I went with the little one in the front who seemed to be paying more attention than the others.

While we are learning the ballet dance (which took forever because they forgot each step almost immediately), they continuously assured me that they were so much better at the tap and jazz dances. They liked those songs so much better so they were better at those dances.

So after they have a mild idea what they are supposed to do and I encouraged them to "when in doubt copy someone else but don't just stand there", we move on to Jazz (still have tap ahead of us) and boy, oh boy, they were right about one thing, they do like this song better because they know all the words....too bad they don't know any of the steps!

I was pretty close to going full Abby Lee Miller Dance Mom on them, but at this point, with tap still untouched, I didn't have the time. I did get pretty close though.
What are you guys going to do if you don't know the dance on stage? Are you really just going to stand there like you just did now and make that 'I have no idea what I am doing? Where am I?' face?
"No?"
Is that a question?
"No. No, we won't."
Then what are you going to do?
"We don't know. Just remember it?" (Again, a question??)
Well, I didn't know 'just remembering it' was an option. Why didn't you say that before we started? Why don't you "just remember it" right now?
"Ummm, cause we can't remember."
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Let's move on to tap. They loved this song. Again, they knew all the words but the dancing was worse than jazz. I had been wondering why the teacher hadn't just put them in the back of the group and hope they copied the others, until I took a closer look at the video I had taken of class and then I saw, well, you can't put them all in the back row, can you?

This recital could very well end up a disaster of little girls, running into each other on stage, but as long as no one gets hurt or just stands there and stares at the audience, I am going to consider it a success at this point.

We also have to change their hair in between dances, as if, getting a 7 year old to sit still and look straight ahead while you pull out all of the bobby pins and brush through the hairspray that was required to get their hair to stay in a low ponytail with a side part, isn't hard enough, we have to refashion that mess into a nice, high bun with no fly-aways and a tiara. She doesn't have enough hair for a high bun! (We will be using a Hot Bun! Yup- As Seen on TV- "You'll have the best buns in town!") And have you ever tried to put eyeliner on another person? How about a 7 year old?

Tonight is our dress rehearsal. I hope the Miss Emily is prepared to "unteach" them all of the dance moves I taught them during our home lesson. (Hey! She was the one who told me to practice with them!)

Wish us luck!

Woohoo! I Got An Award!

My friend at Mommy Needs a Martini (if you haven't read her blog, go there now!) has nominated me for a Liebester Award! My first thought (before I even knew what it was) was "Woohoo! I got an Award!" because really, who doesn't like getting awards! You don't question it, you just go with it!

After my excitement settled, I did ask myself, "Self, do you even know what this award of for?" And my answer was, "Nope, but I got an AWARD!" If it wasn't good, they wouldn't call it an award, right? But at some point I thought I should find out a little more about this honor bestowed upon me by my awesome friend because after all, with great honor comes great responsibility. (Now that I think of it, I am pretty sure it is power. "With great power comes great responsibility" but whatever).

Back to the award. The Liebster is given to recognize up and coming blogs and to shine some light on them so that others came enjoy them as much as the person who nominated the blog. The Blogger receiving the award must answer 11 questions posed to him/her by the one who nominated them. Then after leaving an additional 11 random facts about his or herself, the Blogger poses 11 questions to be answered by those the Blogger passes the Leibster Award on to and the train continues.

There was a lot of "blogger" and "him or her" in that. Essentially, I answer 11 questions posed to me by Mommy Needs a Martini (because she nominated me). Then I give 11 more facts about myself. Finally, I nominate other bloggers and I leave 11 questions for them to answer and they continue the cycle.

Here it goes:

11 Questions asked to me:
1. What was the first blog/Facebook page you followed?
Oh no! I don't remember. But I can tell you that Jeanette, of Mommy Needs a Martini has taught me everything I know about blogging, so far. I am still trying to catch up. 

2. What is your ALL TIME favorite sports team?
Easy- THE NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS! I am obsessed. If you keep reading my blog I am sure that you will find out somehow. I can't hide it!

3. What is your favorite season?
Anything but winter. I love sitting by the pool, but I also love football season and I can't pass up a good spring day, but once the snow has fallen and people start trekking all over it, winter is just a cold mess. 

4. What is a board or pinner on Pinterest I just HAVE to follow? Or Twitter if you don’t pin?
Me! Actually, I get a lot of little kids birthday ideas from Catch My Party

5. What is your biggest fear?
It used to be suffocating, I can't imagine anything worse, but now it is probably failing my daughter. 

6. Who do you aspire to be like?
Well, not be like because you should be yourself.. but you know what I mean.. so who? This is tough- Maybe, Ellen. She is content with who she is, no matter what others say. She is rich (who doesn't want to be rich?) but she always seems to be giving back and helping others and she always seems so freakin' happy. Who else do you know who really "just wants to dance." It would be great to reach that point in life.

7. What band/singer do you wish you could rock out with?
Right now my daughter and I are obsessed with Bruno Mars. I don't know if that is who I would pick next month but right now he would do. 

8. What is your biggest pet peeve? It is a toss up between fake people and selfish people. I doubt that needs any explanation. 

9. What is your guilty pleasure?
New Jersey Housewives. How can you not watch? It is so irritating and hilariously ridiculous.

10. If you could be on a reality show, which one would you pick?
The Bachelorette. I don't want to pick from 25 guys or deal with their man-drama but I do want to travel all of the awesome places she gets to go on ABC's dime or What Not To Wear- who doesn't want a whole new, free wardrobe?

11. If you could live anywhere in the world without having to worry about family obligations/income/work (blah, blah, blah – remove logistics) where would you live?
Fiji! Tropical and far from real life.

Okay, so now 11 Random Facts about ME! This was touch when I was writing my blog post About Me, so let's see what I come up with. 

1. I hate bologna. I mean really hate it. I don't like the smell or the taste or the texture. I am getting queasy just writing this. I can't have it in my fridge or my house or even walk passed it in the grocery store. 

2. I love brand new socks. They never fit the same way they do the first time you put them on. So nice and snug and warm. (how is that for random?)

3. I say SUPER a lot! As in that is SUPER annoying or she is SUPER nice. I don't mean to say it. It just happens and I can't stop. 

4. I speak 2 languages fluently. Spanish and English. I learnt them both at the same time, but I don't look like I speak Spanish so I love answer unsuspecting people's comments when I am out and hear people being bitch in Spanish. SURPRISE!

5. I am a Coca-Cola girl. When I ask for Diet Coke at a restaurant and they ask "Is Diet Pepsi ok?" I always say "no" and sometimes I want to ask them if they really think one is a substitute for the other. 

6. I am a Penn State Nittany Lion through and through and no amount of scandal will ever change that! (This does not mean I support any sort of molestation or child predators because I do NOT! ). 

7.  Since I have become a mother I have started to care a lot less what other people think and do, unless it somehow could affect my child. 

8.  I always try to fight the trendy things but most of the time I somehow get sucked into it anyway. I fought the Apple craze like it was my job but now I have a Mac, an Iphone and an Ipod. We even have AppleTv. Did the same thing with Pinterest. I refused to use it and didn't even know why but now I an an addict. This happens with clothing styles, too. 

9.  For a little while, when I was younger I was bullied on the school bus. There was an older, bigger girl who used to say mean things and throw gum in my hair. I hated having to get on the bus and it made me feel so sad. Now, when I hear about or see children getting bullied now that same exact feeling comes back. 

10. Sometimes I don't know if I believe in God, at least not the God that they push in church (or some churches) or maybe I believe in God but not church. I do believe there is something, somewhere greater than myself (which is what I think is important) but there are just so many things that just seem to happen without purpose and I know that is part of believing (to believe that it has a purpose), but things like the abuse and death of innocent babies (what could be the purpose? what have they done?). A church-goer will always have an answer for me but it just seems to be too much of a stretch some times.  Somethings, I just can't rationalize. How is that for deep? 

11 (I made it!). I wish I would have found a hobby or sport that I loved when I was younger and stuck to it. I am pretty good or decent at a few things but I don't think that I am great at anything. 

Well, there are 11 things about me. Some serious and some not so serious but all of them random. so the next step is for me to come up with 11 questions for other bloggers to answer and  the really hard part...to find bloggers who have not already received this award and done this answering.

Blogs I am Nominating (Drum roll, please!):

Blah Blah Blog: Jenni, working Mother of 3 getting back to her blogging and she may be a little crazy, like the rest of us, because she claims she loves to clean. :)
Don't Cry Over Spilt Milk: She's has just started a new blog so go visit and support her!

11 Questions I pose to you:

1. What is something you have done that you are ashamed of? 

2. What would you eat of you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life?

3. What is a fashion trend that you can't stand?

4. What is the best part of your day?

5. What is one thing that you would change about yourself?

6. What is one thing that you have done that you are most proud of?

7. Do you believe in ghosts?

8. What is your dream job?

9. What is the last dream you had, that you can remember?

10. Who would you want to play you in a movie?

11. What song best describes your life right now?

What They Don't Tell New/Expectant Moms

When you are an expectant mother, you get a lot of advice; actually they are more like warnings, from other people.  Mostly, people tell you that your life is about to change (really?!?! I had no idea!). Sometimes, they elaborate with things like, “say good-bye to those last minute vacations and late nights out” and “get your sleep now because you won’t be sleeping when that baby is waking up several times a night.” They tell you to how you will have less money to spend on yourself and the little luxuries that you are used to having. Basically, they tell you that you better enjoy life now because it is about to be over.

I don’t know why it occurs to anyone to say these things to someone who is about to have a baby.  “Enjoy that now, because you won’t be able to once the baby comes!” is my favorite. Really is that what you are thinking when you see a woman having a little fun while carrying a child? It just seems so mean and cynical. Most people don’t mean any harm, but it just seems odd (not the oddest part of pregnancy, by far, though- “hello, stranger touching my belly!”). When you are a first time mom, you are probably already a little scared and nervous, without Debbie Downer’s help.

So, are they right? The bad news is, yes. Not only is most of what they are saying true but also, they have also grossly understated those changes. The good news is that, there is so much more that people aren’t telling you and one of the most important is, that once you have a baby, most of those things don’t matter anymore.

They are right, there probably won’t be anymore last minute vacations. In fact, just leaving the house for a few hours requires diapers, snacks, bottles, wipes, extra clothes, changing pad, toys, a car seat, a stroller and quite a few other things. There are times when I don’t go somewhere simply because I don’t want to lug the car seat and diaper bag and stroller and that’s just leaving the house for a few hours. So going on vacation will require lots of planning. You will have to carry twice as much baggage, if not more. Ohhh and remember those times when you were trying to relax on an airplane and there was that mother, with a panicked look on her face, trying to quiet an infant before the other passengers complained? Congratulations! That is you now! (Bet you wish you had given her a few less loud sighs, don’t you?) It is going to be a pain in the butt to go anywhere. The destination of your trip will also be subject to change. There are not a lot of baby-friendly activities in South Beach (and they have very sensitive skin). So unless you are going to carry your baby in a pouch like Carlos, and attempt a Hangover reenactment, those last minute trips to Vegas are probably out the window. Here is what they don’t tell you.  The trips aren’t over. They may not be as spontaneous or to the same places, but you will pack your bags, as many as you may need, and you will go on vacation, again. Then you will ask yourself, why they didn’t tell you that the lights of Sin City can’t hold a candle to look on your little one’s face when they see the Magic Kingdom for the first time or the giggle they let out when they experience the cold ocean water running through their little toes on the sand. Those will be the vacations you love the most.

They are right; your late nights out will be numbered. You have a little one depending on you and you can’t exactly leave him/her home alone. So you have to find a babysitter, which isn’t as easy as it sounds. Your heart wasn’t easy to protect when it was inside of you and now it is living and breathing in a tiny human being that requires you for everything. Who are you going to trust with that?  Even if you find a trusted baby whisperer, you are probably going to be a lot more tired than you used to be and you will probably be getting up early the next day, so staying up late won’t be as easy any more. So yes, until they start opening bars with childcare (Note to self: not a bad idea!), your late nights out will be limited. Here is what they don’t tell you. Leaving your baby for the first time and even the second and the third will be one of the hardest things you will do. When you do finally go out, you will miss them, talk about them and wonder what they are doing (I have been told this gets easier and going out becomes a nice break. I will let you know about that when the time comes). So, you may not go out as much, but you will go out and you will get time to be yourself again. What they don’t tell you is that most nights you won’t miss it because the best nights of your life will be those you spend rocking your little one to sleep and they fly by so fast that you won’t want to miss one. The look of those little eyes staring up at you will erase any thought you may have had about wanting to go out and party.

They are right; you probably won’t have as much money to spend on your usual “luxuries.” You likely have the same income, if not less, because someone is home with the baby or you are paying for day care, yet you have a new expense. Remember all those things I told you that you had to pile into a diaper bag? You need those. Plus, on average a newborn baby uses 10-14 diapers, a day. So yes, getting your nails done every week may become a tight squeeze and babies grow fast, so yours is going to need more clothes before you can splurge on expensive shoes. So, things you used to treat yourself to may not happen as often. What they don’t tell you is that your definition of luxuries will change when your priorities change and your priorities will change. As a mother, you will never again think of yourself without thinking of your baby first. With that comes a lot of change, but one of those is that buying yourself a new pair of shoes won’t be nearly as rewarding as buying a tiny pair of sneakers for itty bitty feet that can’t even walk yet. The day one of your manicured nails accidentally scratches that soft baby skin you won’t hesitate to clip them down yourself. Trust me, when you buy your first pair of ruffle bottom baby pants, you will look forward to spending time in the baby section more than you ever did shopping for hand bags and your diaper bag holds twice as much stuff as an expensive purse, anyway.  Plus, no one will be looking at you. Your baby is the cute one now. ;)

They are right; you won’t get much sleep with your new baby waking up during the night. This is my favorite because it implies that you will be going back to your old sleeping habits once your baby sleeps through the night. Yes, there will be a time when your baby doesn’t sleep through the night and you will be up making bottles and rocking them back to sleep (you won’t mind nearly as much as you think). The truth is that you probably won’t get many good nights of sleep for a long time after that. After weeks (or maybe months) of 3 a.m. feedings, you will be begging for the day that they sleep through the night, but what they don’t tell you is that the night that 3:01 a.m. rolls around and you don’t hear a cry, you are not going to lie in bed and relax. You will be thinking, “Why isn’t the baby crying?” You will be rushing to the nursery to make sure nothing is wrong. The baby is probably just sleeping, but you will need to see first hand that he or she is okay. After repeating this, most nights, for a little while, you’ll get used to them sleeping through the night, but by then there will be a new reason to stay up and worry.

Worry. I think that is the number one thing that they forget to tell you about having a baby.  You will never again watch a news story without wondering if that could happen to your baby. Every bomb scare, school shooting, child kidnapping or any national crises will have you rethinking ever letting your baby leave your arms again. You will worry about what the world will be like when it is time for them to go out on their own and you will worry about whether they will be ready.  I can’t really think of an upside to this one, except that in some cases worrying will make you prepared and in all cases it shows that you are a good mother, who loves her child. Your child will fall but that is how they learn to get back up. So whenever possible just remind yourself that you can’t always be the perfect mother, but it doesn’t mean that you aren’t a great one.

So the things people warn expectant mothers about are pretty much true, but there is so much that they don’t say.  Maybe it is because, it impossible to wrap motherhood and its changes into one concise "warning," but there are a lot of things that I think they should tell you.

They should tell you that things that were gross before will suddenly not quite as taboo. When your baby has a runny nose, you won’t hesitate to use your sleeve to clean it (however, it is still completely disgusting to wipe you own nose with your sleeve). Also, there is poop. Your life will suddenly involve a lot of it. You will be able to talk about your baby’s poop with other people and it will seem perfectly normal. In fact, as soon as your baby is born they will start asking you about dirtied diapers and you will have to describe a poop to a pediatrician, at least once (By the way, you will probably wonder, but it is okay to call it “poop” when you are talking to a doctor- they don’t care). If you want to take a glimpse at how much "less gross" things are to moms, there is actually a a product called the "snot sucker." NoseFrida has a hose that you put up the baby's boogie nose and suck on the other end to get the snot out. (Even as a mommy, I think that is gross!)

Also, babies know expensive sunglasses when they see them. I don’t know how or why they feel the need to destroy them but they do and will. You probably only have a few months to enjoy those Chanel glasses before your baby has the motor skills to pull them off of your face.  

You will get peed on, whether you have a baby boy or girl and they will poop in the tub, at least once (told you poop was easier to talk about).

Babies love things that are not toys way more than any toy that you can find. (See expensive sunglasses). You will spend money on educational toys and soft, safe baby things but they will love spoons and paper and anything they generally are not supposed to play with.

If you ever want to watch television again, keep the television remote control out of baby’s reach. Trust me, we have considered just throwing out the TV and starting over rather than trying to decipher which buttons she pushed to make do the things it was doing.

Oh and mommy, things like jumping on a trampoline will become a lot more difficult to do without peeing you pants. This may also apply to things like coughing and sneezing, at first. One time the Giants scored a touchdown and my celebration dance ended with me changing. (Well, look at that! Apparently, peeing yourself also becomes easier to talk about).

You also get mommy super powers. You will have supersonic hearing that allows you to hear your baby cry from a mile away and if that cry happens to be because your little one is hurt, you will suddenly be able to leap tall buildings in a single bound (just like Super Man). Not to mention how many things you will suddenly learn to do one-handed (I have folded laundry with one hand and held baby in the other). 

There are a lot of changes, sacrifices and worrying that comes a long with being a parent, but I don’t know why those are the things people tell new (or soon to be) parents. My baby girl is only a year old and she has kept me up many nights. I have given baths, changed sheets, and washed clothes at 2 a.m. because of a “diaper malfunction.” I have gathered more food off the floor than she has ever eaten. She has broken several pair of sunglasses and I have been peed on more then I want to admit. I have spent countless hours trying to figure out why exactly she was crying and I worry every day…

But I love every single second of being her mommy and I wouldn’t trade it for the world!

So, if they have to wrap it up into one concise statement, the number one thing that people should tell you is, that having a baby is the best thing that you will ever do.